02 April 2008

Going Deeper Into It...

For a long time, as you will notice, I have not found anything to write about; I lacked the inspiration to do so. However, I have been reminded that there is heaps and heaps of "stuff" still not looked at nor tackled for release; so I decided tonight to get on with it, write, and see what comes forth. This is recommended in "process", and it is said that the more difficulty one has in starting to write and do Self Forgiveness, the more urgent it is to do so, and to push oneself to get on with it!

I have been finding that the addiction I have had to liking the sensation of wet clothing has been pressing more and more... It is said in Desteni that our "invisible helpers" of the dimensional side of life are helping by pressing forward the things we need to attend to, so that we will become aware of them - painfully aware if necessary - and do something about getting them dealt with.
I have done a certain amount of Self Forgiveness (SF) concerning this topic, but obviously there's more to be done, or it would not be continuing to come up into my thoughts. I have to admit having fallen back into indulging this habit a number of times recently; but I also noticed that there has been less and less reaction of liking it... progress, perhaps, and a spur to keep going until it is done and finished with.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to let my memories of this habit of wetting my clothing dictate my actions and waste my time;

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to add to the sh*t of the world by indulging in this habit;

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to divert my attention from what I should be applying myself to, by indulging in this habit of wetting my clothes instead;

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realise, not care about the effects that this indulgence are having upon everyone in the world;

I forgive myself that I haven't allowed myself to realise that this is holding up my transcendence and hence my ability to become self-honest and stand as all as one as equal in being Who I Really Am - in this world but not of it;

I forgive myself that I haven't allowed myself to realise and admit to myself that this habit of enjoying the sensation of wet clothes has sexual overtones for me and is enslaving both me and my fellow humans thereby;

I direct me in deleting this habit and all pictures and memories connected with it. Any re-occurrance of them, and I say STOP! and DELETE those thoughts and pictures.

I direct me to participate in effective and appropriate common sense expressions of Who I Truly Am in my daily living.

I realise my Breath and the opportunity it gives, with gratitude.

I affirm that I AM HERE, fully present within my body!

20 February 2008

Diagnosis of a recent problem

This is an example of work I did to deal with a problem I was experiencing:

When I wake up in the morning, I feel very sluggish and vaguely unwell, and desire to turn over and go back to sleep instead of getting up and going about my day. This has been going on for some weeks now, even a month or two. Two or three years ago I could wake up and feel instantly awake and ready to go. It has slowly begun to degrade, until now it is almost disabling - I spend quite a few hours of the day sleeping.

Results of pendulum testing:
(0) My Body, dimensional guidance, pendulum as me as all as one and equal - can you tell me what is causing this condition, and how to resolve it?
= yes
Is there any blockage that would prevent me from getting this info?
= no

(1) What is the basic problem? - depression - over-toxicity - not doing enough self-forgiveness / self correction - faulty nutrition - not "moving" myself - fear of the future - something else than these?
= Fear of the future

(2) Is this fear of the future basically founded upon: -fear of lack of money - fear of having no ability to experience myself in South Africa - fear of death - fear that living will get too uncomfortable soon - fear of increasing ill-health - fear of homelessness -fear of boredom with diet - something else?
= fear of lack of money; fear of homelessness

(3) Will it be most effective to write about my fears of these things, and then do self-forgiveness / self correction on them? Do I need to resolve them in another way?
= Write, then do s/f and s/c on points that turn up

Writing about: My fear of lack of money...

When my sweet wife died, and we sold our house, I had about $120,000 AUD; debts associated with her burial amounted to about $5,000 or so (from memory); I bought a new small car to last me for the remainder of my driving life, and a new computer to replace an aging one - total about $25,000; a camper-trailer for about $7,000, which left me with about $83,000 - not really enough to invest to live on, and anyway, there were things I wanted to pursue "in the life time left for me", which of course I could not predict - better get onto them before it was too late! So I joined the ascension school that I had been following through the internet, and this necessitated me to attend Intensives and twice-yearly public events overseas. This led to some memorable times but literally ATE up the money, $5,000 to $8,000 at a time (fees, mostly travel and accommodation). Yet to me it was an Earth service which I seemed able and having been prepared by life to do, so I threw heart and soul into doing it while I still had the opportunity to do so. I now know that (according to Desteni research) I was probably programmed to do this, so really I had no choice, whatever choice I thought I had.... and it was all to little avail. It was a preparation for Desteni to an extent.

While at the school, it was suggested that perhaps I would like to investigate getting an Aura Camera for the use in the school events; and meantime I could make money on it by working with it as a business at home in Aussie. At first I realised that the equipment offering was far too expensive for me to acquire; but eventually a cheaper alternative came to my notice - "only" eight and a half thousand dollars. We tested was this the right one, etc., etc., and it seemed to be, and I bought it. However, it did not work out as planned... I took it to a New Age Expo at a town over 1000 kms away necessitating two overnight stops to get there, and discovered to my dismay that the equipment was not working properly... I wasted over a thousand dollars on that trip. The Aura Imager had to be returned to the US to be overhauled - another expense. Upon return of the Imager, I set up with a local crystal shop to go there and do readings for customers; but only a few customers were interested, and eventually the shop closed, and I found that no other shopkeepers in the area would touch my Aura Imager with a barge-pole - they felt it would scare customers away! It was not generating enough income to warrant getting my own premises, and I was forbidden to run a business from my rented home, so there the equipment sat - a "white elephant". Going to local folk markets didn't work either. I was passionate about educating people about their "energetic nature", so it had seemed a good idea.

Time was now here when I couldn't afford to go to any more ascension school events, and after about a year was duly asked to leave, as I was not keeping up with the required work... I realised I needed a job to make ends meet, as the rent had gone up and up, and funds were steadily declining... After months of trying I got one as a factory hand, sweeping up, doing odd jobs and some assembly of High voltage connectors, for $10 an hour part time. An ascension school student in the same situation as me came to stay for a few weeks and stayed for over a year, so I got rent contributions from her; but then "karma" between us hit the fan, and after a traumatic time she left - and a few weeks later I lost my factory job... so suddenly income was down $200 or so a week - difficult to make it up by economies! I couldn't get another job, and decided to try to make some money through internet businesses, as 'everyone else' was doing; simply lost $2000 on that and was scammed for $1200 more, so all attempts at bringing in financial support failed miserably. Every time I attempted it, I wasted more of my dwindling money! Looked for a rented place that would cost less in the area - no such animal was found, other than some out-of-the-way absolute dumps miles away...

I took counseling, and it was agreed that "the situation could not go on as is"; but other than that, no help was forthcoming. I took a job as a door-to-door salesman by way of catalogue sales... after three weeks I tossed it in, as I was exhausted by toiling up hill and down dale on foot in 35 degree heat, making 'peanuts' - as of course others were doing it too... "rats, rats, and quadruple rats!!!" Damn and Blast into the bargain. I had been cornered; and HAD to do something before the money required to make a move was gone - then I wouldn't be able to move, and I wouldn't be able to stay... I would be homeless! And wanted to avoid that if at all possible!!!

Well, my son and daughter-in-law in Darwin said they would put me up if I wanted to move there, for $100 a week - less than half what I was paying; and so I tested it and got the go-ahead. That would perhaps enable me to slowly save up a bit of reserve... Of course, these things take time to organise; I had a garage sale of all inessential belongings, and sold half of it at give-away prices, but made $1000 or so. The rest of the stuff was given to St. Vincent de Paul. I finally got a credit card from the bank (had been using a debit card), which would allow me to make up the short-fall to move my remaining stuff to the other side of Australia and have my car shipped over as well - driving it myself about 8,000 kms on desert roads was not really a safe nor economical option. By that time, my family in Darwin had lost their rented place and eventually got another after several excruciating weeks at a friend's place - but there was still a room for me. So - I took the most economical flight to Darwin, and arrived in the middle of the night in the hot build-up to the Wet Season. With money virtually gone, I knew I couldn't move again, though at least I had made it here...

After about six months and some terrible family rows over a drinking problem (not mine), the family had to move again. I had had a "voluntary" job helping a friend of my son set up some computer programs for his business, on the understanding that if he made any money, he would share with me - if he didn't, stiff luck. No other employment was available, so I spent four months with him - got a few hundred dollars, and had an enjoyable time, as it was what I could do, and he was a philosophical type of chap and we enjoyed each other's company. However, all good things come to an end, so they say. When the family got notice to move out, rents had gone up considerably and a minimum sized house was about $80 dearer. I decided to see if I could get my own little bed-sitter to both take the pressure off them and get away from the rows and trash-filled surroundings they seemed to exist in. I did take a stand during one of the rows, and promptly got told to take my things and piss off... I thought, woops, I better be careful here - haven't the money to do that yet!

Anyway, I took leave of absence from my "job", and after several anxious weeks and a number of refusals, found a place that suited at just over the maximum rental I could afford... I negotiated it downwards by $5 a week, got accepted and moved in. The rental agent seemed surprised that all the references I had supplied proved to be genuine... do I look like a hobo, I wonder? Do they get heaps of bullsh*t artists? I must admit that I have an unusual-looking moustache...
My business friend had by this time decided to quit, sell up and leave for parts unknown, so any hope of further money, references or anything from that quarter evaporated.

It was about this time or a few weeks before that I discovered the Desteni website, after seeing a post on a spiritual forum I was visiting. It took me a while to explore the site and digest the material and ideas that I met with there... Eventually I joined the forum, and later was invited to join the Private Forum as a member who was "seriously interested" in applying the knowledge. I had to "up the ante" with my internet connection from dial-up to broadband, and when the dial-up failed on one occasion I took the hint and did it; but of course this technology requires the spondulux to support it - you can't expect to get it for nothing... Got it for half-price as an introductory offer for 9 months, but after that its five times the price of dial-up, so I may have to go back to dial-up soon... but 24 month contract, penalty payment if quitting before that time... tsk tsk! The money never ceases to be shelled out!!! They get it away from me one way or another! If I have to move from here they'll want a reconnection fee as well...

Well, I'm three months away from the end of my lease. The place is on the market to sell, and the owners are putting the pressure on the land agent to get it sold, ASAP. Rentals have gone up a whopping forty percent this year... I can't really expect to continue here for a few dollars extra a week - even if the new owner doesn't want occupancy himself.

So - this is the background of my "fear of lack of money" and "fear of homelessness" - though there may be other experiences that I'm tapping into that I'm not conscious of. Well, there's a general atmosphere of anxiety among pensioners here as housing demand suddenly far exceeds the supply; and many are finding the rapidly escalating food and petrol prices a problem as well. I still haven't been able to pay off my credit card...

What self-forgivenesses and corrections do I get out of that?

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that my expression is governed by money;
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to rely on money to get me out of trouble, instead of the direction of that which I AM;
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel that money is king in my world;
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to forget that situations are to assist me in waking up to the Real Me, and to express the Real Me;
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to blame my situation on "someone out there" when it is a reflection of what's going on inside me;
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel victimised by the circumstances;
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be "given the sh*ts" by what is happening to others close to me, instead of standing stable, as in "I AM Here - I remain";
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be judgemental about the lifestyle of my closest relatives;
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear being unable to find a suitable home for the next period of time;

These acceptances and allowances are not representative of Who I Am; I direct myself as Who I Am as One as All as Equal;
I direct my mind to STOP THESE THOUGHTS that are based on Separation and Illusion - as FEAR is "False Evidence Appearing Real"; I allow Who I Really Am to express itself in my world.

04 February 2008

Beautiful morning - Interesting Experience...

This morning early, after the Desteni chat session, I decided that as it seemed to be coming up to a beautiful day - very little cloud or wind - that I would attempt the bike ride to the local large shopping mall, which I estimated to be about an hour's journey away as some of it is uphill, which I would have to walk. Well, I did walk some of the way, but it only took me three quarters of an hour. I took along a bill to pay; but then I realised, its Sunday, they won't be open. Anyway, I proved to myself that the trip there was able to be done in about 45 minutes; the return journey took about 35.

On the way back - nearly home - I stopped for a rest at one of the beach-side picnic tables, under the shade of a large fig tree; and while I was sitting there, I was joined by a wiry-looking individual wearing shorts and carrying a backpack, who also came for a rest and a drink of water from the nearby drinking fountain. He seemed in talkative mood, and we got talking.

It seems that he was in a heck of a lot of trouble, and I was reminded of B's saying I would need to choose my words carefully in any assistance I gave... This man, who probably was not of Aboriginal extraction, but had an Aboriginal wife and kids, had apparently got on the wrong side of one of the "high-ups" associated with the police, and as a result, the police had been harrassing him and had broken down his house doors to get in and search the place. This left it unlockable; and thieves had got in and stolen most of his possessions and taken them to the local pawn shop thingy to get money. The shop has to report all intakes to the police in case they've been stolen; they knew these things were stolen, but the police would do nothing about it. Meanwhile, my man friend had threatened the neighbour because (he says) he knew he was implicated, and consequently had a court order made against him that he couldn't come within 500 metres of his neighbour's place - effectively denying him the use of his own home! Well of course, he said to himself that this was unbelievably ridiculous, and went to get some belongings from his own house, and was immediately "shopped" by the neighbours; and now faces another court case about that. His children have been taken into care by the government and secreted away, his wife is goodness knows where and he's out on the street, homeless as of now. There's lots more that I won't go into; but it did appear on the face of it, that this man's world has just crashed around his ears in a most exasperating and even terrifying way.

It is apparent to me that this situation (as far as I am concerned) is a test - what will I do? I have to say that my life up until now has never brought up for me such a situation, even as personal hearsay; but of course we have been warned that things will get tougher and more and more crazy... so this is probably a taste of what is to come. I decided that I would at least be a "good listener" and let the man get it off his chest - he said at one point that he was desperate and just about "losing it"...

I had been warned by my own son when I came to this town that the Aboriginal people were violent and really bad news to get entangled with; it appears that this man has done just that, and is paying for it big-time. Of course, its just systems going berserk... but a mighty dangerous situation to be in. Alcohol and drug abuse are a real problem in this area - I hadn't realised the extent of this until I got here.

So anyway, when the man asked for some money for something to eat, I had to evaluate for myself, is this story a lot of clever BS or is this man in real need of a little support? I find it very hard to decide on this... breathe, GodFree, breathe!
But in the end I decided to support him by giving him $10 to get breakfast, and he did say he would take it as a loan, and when he got his situation sorted out, he would repay me. So we'll see what happens. I didn't have any contrary indication when making this decision, although I realise that these things are subtle, and I could have been self-dishonest somewhere in my motivation. I have to admit that I felt a bit mean to be contemplating denying this man a few dollars while I'm sitting beside a shiny new bike - obviously with enough money to buy that... so that's something I must forgive self for... and after all, he is another part of me! And I would not want to be in his situation - which is a fear thing that also needs to be released. I think that's the major mirror for me - this thing of staring an uncertain future in the face. At least I'm not a violent person on the surface; but I recognise that I may be underneath, in the unconscious. And I have never been able to deal effectively with violent people, but they must be a mirror for me somehow.

One is advised to review what happens in these events, look at what could be done with more effectiveness, and integrate that. There are a number of things I could have pointed out to this chap - that violence begets more violence, that getting even is not a healthy option, that clarity as to what one's aims truly are is important, that all life is one, for instance.

I have found it particularly difficult to word forgiveness statements for this event - this tends to reveal that self-honesty is not present - I will have to go deeper into this at length. Perhaps more to follow...
Fears are the main things I see to forgive and clear -
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear the possibility of becoming homeless;
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to subscribe to the belief that I could be worthy of not having any place to go to in this world;
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that I could be attacked and violated by someone;
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear suffering from an attack before I die;
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear suffering from privation and hunger unto death;
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel guilty about having a new bicycle and yet not being willing to share my resources, and thus being governed in my actions by this guilt.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear a negative reaction if I direct, as all as one as equal, a person whose words reveal that they need direction.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that I would not be able to become aware as me, as all as one as equal, of what action to take in a situation that arises.
I AM HERE: I do not accept or allow these fears or guilty feelings any more; I express Who I Am without fear and with self-honesty as the breath, as Life!

28 January 2008

Tackling my fetish

Talk about tackling! This is where my story gets a bit tacky; so if you're squeamish, be warned, and just click on "next blog". However, in brutal self-honesty, it needs to be disclosed as something that has to be worked on. I have kept it a secret from other adults for decades; but of course I realised that if there were a God, he would be bound to know; and in fact there are no secrets that anyone could keep from the beings of the Dimensional (unseen) state of existance - all is known! The only beings you can keep a secret from are embodied human beings; and that is going to be less and less successful, as people "wake up" and become aware of Who They Really Are. In the meantime, it helps one's "waking-up process" if one is willing to be brutally self honest, and to take responsibility for dismantling the programming that causes these things, and get free of them. Otherwise the guilt and heaviness and limitations that they impose make one's day-to-day activities not what they could be, and fouls up one's process.

Right now I am sitting in front of my computer in wet pyjamas.

Huh??? ....How come?

Well, I have a liking for wet clothing - for wetting myself. Its a long story how this came to pass. It began far, far away in both time and place, when I was four years old, in another land. I loved to play "drowning sailors" in the bath, with my clothes on. My mother humoured me, probably thinking that I would grow out of it; and I did (that particular way of doing things), but the liking for the sensations stuck. I got the feeling that adults were not too happy about it, however, so it was submerged into the less noticeable regions of my mind.

At about age six I had another experience which I never forgot - I pooed my pants on the mile or so journey walking to school one day. I had set out with no indication that I needed to empty my bowels, but half way there the urge got so strong that I knew I wouldn't make it; and there were no places I knew of where I could relieve myself safely. Eventually my anus tired of holding it in, and I had the delightful sensation of warm slush filling my pants. That was another memory that stuck firmly in my mind... I didn't feel guilty about it, as I knew I couldn't have avoided it; I did get told what a naughty boy I was, but suffered the indignities in silence, and didn't (as far as I know) take it too much to heart.

About the same age I discovered that playing with my sex organs created another pleasing sensation. I guess nearly all young humans find this out in some way or other, and its just part of being in and exploring one's own body, so nothing to really get up tight about unless it becomes excessive (in my opinion).

When I started to adolesce at age about 13 or 14, all this stuff of my younger days started to activate again in earnest. For instance, when I got the chance (which was not very often) I would take an old pair of shorts to an area of shrubbery by a river or lagoon and wet them with water from a discarded beer bottle, I remember. When I left the area, the pants were hung on the bushes to dry for next time. I involved another boy on only two occasions; my mother discovered us doing it on one of these, and left me in no doubt whatsoever that I was not to do that, although I did not get beaten or anything - my parents very seldom were physically violent towards me. It was enough to hear her say, "STOP THAT!!!!" - and I got the message: be much more careful! Nary a thought of stopping, of course!

A year or so later my father bought a farm; and there I had much greater freedom to explore these habits, as there was a river at the bottom of our property about half a mile from the house, and as it was hot weather in the summer and water was scarce, I was allowed to go down to the river to bathe and amuse myself in the afternoon after school. I used to know every part of the river bed for half a mile upstream and downstream. There I had the occasional mud-bath (yummm!) and many a swim and wetting of pants. Even tried vomiting over myself once - interesting, but stoopid: too difficult to get clean afterwards. Amazing, isn't it, what young things will get up to!

By the time I went to University and on the side was reading about yoga and trying to be spiritual, I found out that masturbation etc. was really "not good for one" - but the habits of wetting and arousing myself were too deeply entrenched for me to be able to stop. Every so often the people with whom I boarded would find out something (they never told me exactly what) and I would be asked to move on; so these habits caused me quite a bit of inconvenience.

Eventually, after becoming a schooltecher and serving my initial years in that profession, I turned to science and became a government research technician, as I found teaching an absolute nightmare - I was never able to discipline the (difficult) classes I was given, due to being the junior teacher. Perhaps that was a mirror for my not being able to discipline myself; although in other activities of life I have managed fairly well. I was told that it was karma from a previous life. At this time also, I became interested in the teachings of the Ascended Masters, and joined two of their organisations. The "power" that I came under forced up and intensified my "weaknesses" and just made it more difficult to control; although we were given techniques by which one was supposed to be able to transmute these things, but despite my applications in this regard, it did not rid me of these addictions.

I married my Beloved when I was 35; we enjoyed each other intimately for about 3 months until she got pregnant, then after the pregnancy she was too sick to have sex. I firmly believed that sexuality was something that both had to agree upon, so I readily agreed; a few years later she announced that she wanted no more sex, and that I was not to have it either, or she would divorce me. Seeing that I had had lives as a priest before, I felt it was up to me to abstain from then on, and that I could do it. Meanwhile, every so often I would get an opportunity to have a wet clothes session without her knowing (I hoped), and did so. But she was a sensitive... goodness knows how much she was aware of but didn't let on...

To cut a long story a bit shorter, after 34 years of marriage my Sweetie had a stroke then eventually died of cancer, and I became free, with the selling up of our house, to both have a life of my own, and to join an Ascension School that I had come to know about through the internet. That again put me under an obligation to try to control any activities which could be construed as "not spiritual"; I threw myself whole-heartedly into doing my best in this regard; but underneath, the desire for wetting myself was still present. At the School, we were taught techniques for releasing karma and for detecting by pendulum 'what was our truth' in this regard; as it was recognised that if you weren't clairvoyant you would need some technique or other to navigate your way through all the traps, pitfalls and 'karmic pickles' that you would come across. I applied myself earnestly to trying to work out where this addiction of mine originated. As far as I could determine, it was an Annunaki slave inheritance thing; and I gained the impression that it could not be resolved until I had evolved to a much higher level, at which the original problem had been laid in. All of which has turned out (according to the latest information from the Desteni-Universe way of looking at it) to be bunkum - as all that is simply manouvres and excuses of the mind-systems that humans are under, to try to keep us enslaved to the social and other programing we are all inculcated with from birth. The explanation of this enslavement scenario is dealt with fully on the Desteni website, (see sidebar link), and it is quite a story, so I won't explain it here. The principles of dealing with it are fairly simple, however:

(1) By being brutally self-honest, to see the machinations and tricks the thoughts, feelings and emotions put across us, and to learn to release these by earnestly applying -
(2) Self-forgiveness of each and every thought, feeling, emotional reaction one observes taking place in one,
(3) Applying then self-correction to not allow these mental programs to act, but to do instead according to the principles of the Oneness and Equality of all,
(4) Helped in this to focus, by practicing the four-fold breathing technique which assists one to be Present, Here, in the Present Moment, in the fullest possible awareness.

If you feel that you are interested to find out more about this "process" - which any and all can join in if you wish to, but which is your own responsibility to pursue - then the place to go is to the Desteni website.

In the last few years - since I completed with the Ascension School as far as I could - I found out by a "chance" email advertisement that there were others in the world who had an interest in wetting and pooing themselves... I was apparently not alone in this as I had previously thought - surely no-one else does this! But yes; it turned out that there were many websites devoted to doing it (and more). I was so amazed, I did some explorations to see the strange things some humans do with themselves... much was not to my liking, but some of it was indeed quite fascinating. There's something about seeing and hearing a woman flooding her pants that is absolutely mesmerising...

Lately I have used warm water instead of urinating or pooing - otherwise it is too unhygienic and requires far too much resources to get clothes properly clean; but the sensations are more or less the same. The very warm temperatures where I'm living now make it quite comfortable to stay wet all day if I felt like it.

I had quite a collection of photos and movies - which the authorities seemed to classify as "adult" rather than "pornography"... and every so often I would try to get out of the grip of this and would delete them... but like trying to stop wetting myself, I would always find myself impelled to come back to them. Of course, it is this compulsion which tells one in common sense that one is being enslaved by it, and that this is dishonouring self and others, and should not go on. Even if - as I did many times - one asks within and by pendulum if there is some good reason to be doing this, and gets a "yes, its okay for you"... I always felt that was untrustworthy, and yet... and yet, what if there was some obscure karmic reason for my being involved... and having to do this?

But really - I know now that everything we do affects everyone else, through the human collective unconscious; so nothing you do can be said to be not affecting anyone else. Every action, every thought along these lines is feeding the world thought-form about such things, and keeping it supplied with life. Think of the people this is helping to keep enslaved! "Till here, no further - this must stop!"

So - now that I have outlined my 'fetish' problem, the crucial question is - what can I do about it?

Well, following the pattern given above, here are the self-forgiveness statements that occur to me; perhaps you can think of others, and post them in a comment:

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel guilty concerning my addiction to wetting my pants.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to dishonour my body by participating in the activities of wetting and befouling it which do not serve it.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to dishonour the Element of Water by using it for wetting my pants - an activity which does not serve the Whole.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hold and savour pictures of me wetting my pants or in wet clothes. I delete these memories and pictures!
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hold and savour pictures of others wetting themselves. I delete these memories and pictures!
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feed the Unified Consciousness Field with ideas and pictures of sexual misbehaviour concerning people wetting their pants.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that karma would prevent me from taking appropriate action to stop this addiction.

These activities do not reflect Who I Really Am; I do not allow them any longer in my world!
From now on, I AM HERE, and I express Who I Truly Am!

25 January 2008

Curbing my pollution

For some considerable time - two or three years - I have contemplated getting a bicycle, but "never got around to it" - mainly because there were more pressing things to spend the available money on. I have always felt that running a large car, for instance, was wasteful; which is why I have tended to have small cars except when I had a family to transport. At the moment I have a nice little green Daihatsu Sirion 1.3 litre automatic.

It happened the other day that I was talking on the Desteni Chat, and I became aware of the need to get a bicycle, to help curb pollution and cut down the use of oil; at the same time, we have been told about the impending oil crisis and likely cessation of oil supplies and various other upheavals. I decided that it would be wise to get a suitable bike and do my bit to get off oil usage (or at least cut down on it). And in my requirement to be self-honest, once I had said I would do this, it was necessary for me to act, and live my words.

Accordingly, I looked up the bike shops in town, and went "prospecting". I wanted a bike that I could fold up, so that I could easily put it in my small car, and house it in my little two-roomed unit as well, away from the weather; as the Darwin climate has torrential tropical downpours and high humidity during the Wet Season - hard on unprotected bearings and such. Which was the reason that a second-hand bike was not advised. Anyway, there were several models of the one brand of bike available, and I chose the most inexpensive, and bought a few extra necessary accessories, such as a lock, a carrier basket, helmet, basic tools. I had to put it on a credit card, but I knew that a loan to my son was due to be paid back within a week, and I took the risk that that would go through on time (and it did). Credit cards are very useful like that as cashflow managers; but I use mine with due caution and care. One has to be aware that one is supporting the banking system by using it, especially when allowing it to get out of hand and not paying it off quickly.

I hadn't ridden a bike since the 1980s; I found I was more wobbly than I used to be, owing to my body's slowing down of balancing reactions, and I also found that I need to build up my thigh muscles' endurance again; but by practicing every day if possible, I will improve these factors so that much of my shopping and other transport requirements will be done by means of the bike. I aim in due course to sell the car and then rely on public transport for bad weather or heavy loads, thus cutting down my "ecological pollution footprint" even more, and hopefully recovering some funds - though that is likely to make life as a tenant who could be shifting around more difficult. But - we have to become in harmony with Mother Earth as much as possible; of course it will need some extra effort, and that's okay.
Unfortunately I'm not in a position to have my own garden, so the packaging that much of our shopping comes in now-a-days is still unavoidable... but eventually that will pass, I expect!

What I'm doing is a small start, but its a start; and as predicted by one of my internet friends, I do enjoy being able to ride in the open air and be in better contact with Nature. Fortunately the land in Darwin is relatively flat, and anyway, I have gears.
"Have gears, will pedal"!

Since this blog is partially in aid of making myself more "self-aware" and clearing mind programs, I have noticed the following thoughts that are due to programs and need the changes that self-forgiveness assists with.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be governed by money.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe and fear that I will not have enough money to live a satisfying life.
I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted the thought that I have "yet again" wasted money, on getting a bike.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the belief that I still need a car to live comfortably.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to entertain the fear that I will have to move around from house to house as a tenant.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that I cannot enjoy my life without worry about the future in my "old age".
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to subscribe to the idea of "old age" being a time of increasing limitation.

These thoughts and fears are NOT Who I Am; I am not allowing them any further. I cancel them and take my freedom from them!

24 January 2008


Hello, my name for this exercise is GodFree, and I'm following a "process" of practicing telling my truth - being self-honest - in order to discover and uncover Who I Really Am. I have become convinced that this process is the best way that I can ensure my breaking out of the mental, emotional and belief programming that I have been subject to since I was born, so that Who I Am can express itself, and at last have Life. Because as it is in the moment, my Real Self is still largely submerged in the sh*t of my programming... and I have been made aware of that fact. And is a computer program alive? Not really; its a machine. And why do I say it is sh*t? Well, you only have to look at what is happening in the world with a bit of common sense to see that all the abuse, lying and deceit and inequality that goes on can hardly be described in any other way! And this is all the result of the programs that humans are under.

What to do?

If we want to "get a life", we cannot allow this to go on; we've got to change it somehow.

One has to practice to become self-honest, see what is happening, take up one's responsibility to do something to change it - namely, self-correct - and thus assist in the breakdown of the sh*t of the world by expressing more and more of Who You Really Are. That being which is our core truth is a being of Oneness and Equality with all and everyone; and putting that awareness into action will reflect in the world, and slowly but surely we'll see Life - true Life - take shape on the physical level of existance.

So that's what this blog is all about. I intend to place here my day-to-day experiences and realisations, as they occur, as support for the world changes that are taking place even as we write... These are momentous times; and will be times of upheaval for many, as the old ways of living are broken down to make way for the new, and people are motivated to ask themselves, "Why is this happening?" Because only when one makes such an enquiry can one discover; and if people are not naturally curious and observant, circumstances are going to force them to be so. It will be a difficult time for many; but it seems that most people are complacent until adversity forces them to really look at themselves and discover what is true about them. Then there is opportunity to make a change, if they are willing to take up the challenge.

The knowledge and techniques to help one do this are being published on the Desteni website at www.desteni.co.za/ , but as they point out, knowledge without application is useless - makes sense, huh? You gotta use it for it to be of any use! So once the principles are grasped, to practice it is the next step; and its only really effective if you commit yourself to it wholeheartedly, and live your truth...

Bon voyage! On the ride of your Life!