28 January 2008

Tackling my fetish


Talk about tackling! This is where my story gets a bit tacky; so if you're squeamish, be warned, and just click on "next blog". However, in brutal self-honesty, it needs to be disclosed as something that has to be worked on. I have kept it a secret from other adults for decades; but of course I realised that if there were a God, he would be bound to know; and in fact there are no secrets that anyone could keep from the beings of the Dimensional (unseen) state of existance - all is known! The only beings you can keep a secret from are embodied human beings; and that is going to be less and less successful, as people "wake up" and become aware of Who They Really Are. In the meantime, it helps one's "waking-up process" if one is willing to be brutally self honest, and to take responsibility for dismantling the programming that causes these things, and get free of them. Otherwise the guilt and heaviness and limitations that they impose make one's day-to-day activities not what they could be, and fouls up one's process.

Right now I am sitting in front of my computer in wet pyjamas.

Huh??? ....How come?

Well, I have a liking for wet clothing - for wetting myself. Its a long story how this came to pass. It began far, far away in both time and place, when I was four years old, in another land. I loved to play "drowning sailors" in the bath, with my clothes on. My mother humoured me, probably thinking that I would grow out of it; and I did (that particular way of doing things), but the liking for the sensations stuck. I got the feeling that adults were not too happy about it, however, so it was submerged into the less noticeable regions of my mind.

At about age six I had another experience which I never forgot - I pooed my pants on the mile or so journey walking to school one day. I had set out with no indication that I needed to empty my bowels, but half way there the urge got so strong that I knew I wouldn't make it; and there were no places I knew of where I could relieve myself safely. Eventually my anus tired of holding it in, and I had the delightful sensation of warm slush filling my pants. That was another memory that stuck firmly in my mind... I didn't feel guilty about it, as I knew I couldn't have avoided it; I did get told what a naughty boy I was, but suffered the indignities in silence, and didn't (as far as I know) take it too much to heart.

About the same age I discovered that playing with my sex organs created another pleasing sensation. I guess nearly all young humans find this out in some way or other, and its just part of being in and exploring one's own body, so nothing to really get up tight about unless it becomes excessive (in my opinion).

When I started to adolesce at age about 13 or 14, all this stuff of my younger days started to activate again in earnest. For instance, when I got the chance (which was not very often) I would take an old pair of shorts to an area of shrubbery by a river or lagoon and wet them with water from a discarded beer bottle, I remember. When I left the area, the pants were hung on the bushes to dry for next time. I involved another boy on only two occasions; my mother discovered us doing it on one of these, and left me in no doubt whatsoever that I was not to do that, although I did not get beaten or anything - my parents very seldom were physically violent towards me. It was enough to hear her say, "STOP THAT!!!!" - and I got the message: be much more careful! Nary a thought of stopping, of course!

A year or so later my father bought a farm; and there I had much greater freedom to explore these habits, as there was a river at the bottom of our property about half a mile from the house, and as it was hot weather in the summer and water was scarce, I was allowed to go down to the river to bathe and amuse myself in the afternoon after school. I used to know every part of the river bed for half a mile upstream and downstream. There I had the occasional mud-bath (yummm!) and many a swim and wetting of pants. Even tried vomiting over myself once - interesting, but stoopid: too difficult to get clean afterwards. Amazing, isn't it, what young things will get up to!

By the time I went to University and on the side was reading about yoga and trying to be spiritual, I found out that masturbation etc. was really "not good for one" - but the habits of wetting and arousing myself were too deeply entrenched for me to be able to stop. Every so often the people with whom I boarded would find out something (they never told me exactly what) and I would be asked to move on; so these habits caused me quite a bit of inconvenience.

Eventually, after becoming a schooltecher and serving my initial years in that profession, I turned to science and became a government research technician, as I found teaching an absolute nightmare - I was never able to discipline the (difficult) classes I was given, due to being the junior teacher. Perhaps that was a mirror for my not being able to discipline myself; although in other activities of life I have managed fairly well. I was told that it was karma from a previous life. At this time also, I became interested in the teachings of the Ascended Masters, and joined two of their organisations. The "power" that I came under forced up and intensified my "weaknesses" and just made it more difficult to control; although we were given techniques by which one was supposed to be able to transmute these things, but despite my applications in this regard, it did not rid me of these addictions.

I married my Beloved when I was 35; we enjoyed each other intimately for about 3 months until she got pregnant, then after the pregnancy she was too sick to have sex. I firmly believed that sexuality was something that both had to agree upon, so I readily agreed; a few years later she announced that she wanted no more sex, and that I was not to have it either, or she would divorce me. Seeing that I had had lives as a priest before, I felt it was up to me to abstain from then on, and that I could do it. Meanwhile, every so often I would get an opportunity to have a wet clothes session without her knowing (I hoped), and did so. But she was a sensitive... goodness knows how much she was aware of but didn't let on...

To cut a long story a bit shorter, after 34 years of marriage my Sweetie had a stroke then eventually died of cancer, and I became free, with the selling up of our house, to both have a life of my own, and to join an Ascension School that I had come to know about through the internet. That again put me under an obligation to try to control any activities which could be construed as "not spiritual"; I threw myself whole-heartedly into doing my best in this regard; but underneath, the desire for wetting myself was still present. At the School, we were taught techniques for releasing karma and for detecting by pendulum 'what was our truth' in this regard; as it was recognised that if you weren't clairvoyant you would need some technique or other to navigate your way through all the traps, pitfalls and 'karmic pickles' that you would come across. I applied myself earnestly to trying to work out where this addiction of mine originated. As far as I could determine, it was an Annunaki slave inheritance thing; and I gained the impression that it could not be resolved until I had evolved to a much higher level, at which the original problem had been laid in. All of which has turned out (according to the latest information from the Desteni-Universe way of looking at it) to be bunkum - as all that is simply manouvres and excuses of the mind-systems that humans are under, to try to keep us enslaved to the social and other programing we are all inculcated with from birth. The explanation of this enslavement scenario is dealt with fully on the Desteni website, (see sidebar link), and it is quite a story, so I won't explain it here. The principles of dealing with it are fairly simple, however:

(1) By being brutally self-honest, to see the machinations and tricks the thoughts, feelings and emotions put across us, and to learn to release these by earnestly applying -
(2) Self-forgiveness of each and every thought, feeling, emotional reaction one observes taking place in one,
(3) Applying then self-correction to not allow these mental programs to act, but to do instead according to the principles of the Oneness and Equality of all,
(4) Helped in this to focus, by practicing the four-fold breathing technique which assists one to be Present, Here, in the Present Moment, in the fullest possible awareness.

If you feel that you are interested to find out more about this "process" - which any and all can join in if you wish to, but which is your own responsibility to pursue - then the place to go is to the Desteni website.

In the last few years - since I completed with the Ascension School as far as I could - I found out by a "chance" email advertisement that there were others in the world who had an interest in wetting and pooing themselves... I was apparently not alone in this as I had previously thought - surely no-one else does this! But yes; it turned out that there were many websites devoted to doing it (and more). I was so amazed, I did some explorations to see the strange things some humans do with themselves... much was not to my liking, but some of it was indeed quite fascinating. There's something about seeing and hearing a woman flooding her pants that is absolutely mesmerising...

Lately I have used warm water instead of urinating or pooing - otherwise it is too unhygienic and requires far too much resources to get clothes properly clean; but the sensations are more or less the same. The very warm temperatures where I'm living now make it quite comfortable to stay wet all day if I felt like it.

I had quite a collection of photos and movies - which the authorities seemed to classify as "adult" rather than "pornography"... and every so often I would try to get out of the grip of this and would delete them... but like trying to stop wetting myself, I would always find myself impelled to come back to them. Of course, it is this compulsion which tells one in common sense that one is being enslaved by it, and that this is dishonouring self and others, and should not go on. Even if - as I did many times - one asks within and by pendulum if there is some good reason to be doing this, and gets a "yes, its okay for you"... I always felt that was untrustworthy, and yet... and yet, what if there was some obscure karmic reason for my being involved... and having to do this?

But really - I know now that everything we do affects everyone else, through the human collective unconscious; so nothing you do can be said to be not affecting anyone else. Every action, every thought along these lines is feeding the world thought-form about such things, and keeping it supplied with life. Think of the people this is helping to keep enslaved! "Till here, no further - this must stop!"

So - now that I have outlined my 'fetish' problem, the crucial question is - what can I do about it?

Well, following the pattern given above, here are the self-forgiveness statements that occur to me; perhaps you can think of others, and post them in a comment:

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel guilty concerning my addiction to wetting my pants.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to dishonour my body by participating in the activities of wetting and befouling it which do not serve it.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to dishonour the Element of Water by using it for wetting my pants - an activity which does not serve the Whole.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hold and savour pictures of me wetting my pants or in wet clothes. I delete these memories and pictures!
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hold and savour pictures of others wetting themselves. I delete these memories and pictures!
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feed the Unified Consciousness Field with ideas and pictures of sexual misbehaviour concerning people wetting their pants.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that karma would prevent me from taking appropriate action to stop this addiction.

These activities do not reflect Who I Really Am; I do not allow them any longer in my world!
From now on, I AM HERE, and I express Who I Truly Am!

25 January 2008

Curbing my pollution


For some considerable time - two or three years - I have contemplated getting a bicycle, but "never got around to it" - mainly because there were more pressing things to spend the available money on. I have always felt that running a large car, for instance, was wasteful; which is why I have tended to have small cars except when I had a family to transport. At the moment I have a nice little green Daihatsu Sirion 1.3 litre automatic.

It happened the other day that I was talking on the Desteni Chat, and I became aware of the need to get a bicycle, to help curb pollution and cut down the use of oil; at the same time, we have been told about the impending oil crisis and likely cessation of oil supplies and various other upheavals. I decided that it would be wise to get a suitable bike and do my bit to get off oil usage (or at least cut down on it). And in my requirement to be self-honest, once I had said I would do this, it was necessary for me to act, and live my words.

Accordingly, I looked up the bike shops in town, and went "prospecting". I wanted a bike that I could fold up, so that I could easily put it in my small car, and house it in my little two-roomed unit as well, away from the weather; as the Darwin climate has torrential tropical downpours and high humidity during the Wet Season - hard on unprotected bearings and such. Which was the reason that a second-hand bike was not advised. Anyway, there were several models of the one brand of bike available, and I chose the most inexpensive, and bought a few extra necessary accessories, such as a lock, a carrier basket, helmet, basic tools. I had to put it on a credit card, but I knew that a loan to my son was due to be paid back within a week, and I took the risk that that would go through on time (and it did). Credit cards are very useful like that as cashflow managers; but I use mine with due caution and care. One has to be aware that one is supporting the banking system by using it, especially when allowing it to get out of hand and not paying it off quickly.

I hadn't ridden a bike since the 1980s; I found I was more wobbly than I used to be, owing to my body's slowing down of balancing reactions, and I also found that I need to build up my thigh muscles' endurance again; but by practicing every day if possible, I will improve these factors so that much of my shopping and other transport requirements will be done by means of the bike. I aim in due course to sell the car and then rely on public transport for bad weather or heavy loads, thus cutting down my "ecological pollution footprint" even more, and hopefully recovering some funds - though that is likely to make life as a tenant who could be shifting around more difficult. But - we have to become in harmony with Mother Earth as much as possible; of course it will need some extra effort, and that's okay.
Unfortunately I'm not in a position to have my own garden, so the packaging that much of our shopping comes in now-a-days is still unavoidable... but eventually that will pass, I expect!

What I'm doing is a small start, but its a start; and as predicted by one of my internet friends, I do enjoy being able to ride in the open air and be in better contact with Nature. Fortunately the land in Darwin is relatively flat, and anyway, I have gears.
"Have gears, will pedal"!

Since this blog is partially in aid of making myself more "self-aware" and clearing mind programs, I have noticed the following thoughts that are due to programs and need the changes that self-forgiveness assists with.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be governed by money.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe and fear that I will not have enough money to live a satisfying life.
I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted the thought that I have "yet again" wasted money, on getting a bike.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the belief that I still need a car to live comfortably.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to entertain the fear that I will have to move around from house to house as a tenant.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that I cannot enjoy my life without worry about the future in my "old age".
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to subscribe to the idea of "old age" being a time of increasing limitation.

These thoughts and fears are NOT Who I Am; I am not allowing them any further. I cancel them and take my freedom from them!

24 January 2008

INTRODUCING "THE PROCESS" - - AND ME


Hello, my name for this exercise is GodFree, and I'm following a "process" of practicing telling my truth - being self-honest - in order to discover and uncover Who I Really Am. I have become convinced that this process is the best way that I can ensure my breaking out of the mental, emotional and belief programming that I have been subject to since I was born, so that Who I Am can express itself, and at last have Life. Because as it is in the moment, my Real Self is still largely submerged in the sh*t of my programming... and I have been made aware of that fact. And is a computer program alive? Not really; its a machine. And why do I say it is sh*t? Well, you only have to look at what is happening in the world with a bit of common sense to see that all the abuse, lying and deceit and inequality that goes on can hardly be described in any other way! And this is all the result of the programs that humans are under.

What to do?

If we want to "get a life", we cannot allow this to go on; we've got to change it somehow.

One has to practice to become self-honest, see what is happening, take up one's responsibility to do something to change it - namely, self-correct - and thus assist in the breakdown of the sh*t of the world by expressing more and more of Who You Really Are. That being which is our core truth is a being of Oneness and Equality with all and everyone; and putting that awareness into action will reflect in the world, and slowly but surely we'll see Life - true Life - take shape on the physical level of existance.

So that's what this blog is all about. I intend to place here my day-to-day experiences and realisations, as they occur, as support for the world changes that are taking place even as we write... These are momentous times; and will be times of upheaval for many, as the old ways of living are broken down to make way for the new, and people are motivated to ask themselves, "Why is this happening?" Because only when one makes such an enquiry can one discover; and if people are not naturally curious and observant, circumstances are going to force them to be so. It will be a difficult time for many; but it seems that most people are complacent until adversity forces them to really look at themselves and discover what is true about them. Then there is opportunity to make a change, if they are willing to take up the challenge.

The knowledge and techniques to help one do this are being published on the Desteni website at www.desteni.co.za/ , but as they point out, knowledge without application is useless - makes sense, huh? You gotta use it for it to be of any use! So once the principles are grasped, to practice it is the next step; and its only really effective if you commit yourself to it wholeheartedly, and live your truth...

Bon voyage! On the ride of your Life!