Tackling my fetish

Talk about tackling! This is where my story gets a bit tacky; so if you're squeamish, be warned, and just click on "next blog". However, in brutal self-honesty, it needs to be disclosed as something that has to be worked on. I have kept it a secret from other adults for decades; but of course I realised that if there were a God, he would be bound to know; and in fact there are no secrets that anyone could keep from the beings of the Dimensional (unseen) state of existance - all is known! The only beings you can keep a secret from are embodied human beings; and that is going to be less and less successful, as people "wake up" and become aware of Who They Really Are. In the meantime, it helps one's "waking-up process" if one is willing to be brutally self honest, and to take responsibility for dismantling the programming that causes these things, and get free of them. Otherwise the guilt and heaviness and limitations that they impose make one's day-to-day activities not what they could be, and fouls up one's process.

Right now I am sitting in front of my computer in wet pyjamas.

Huh??? ....How come?

Well, I have a liking for wet clothing - for wetting myself. Its a long story how this came to pass. It began far, far away in both time and place, when I was four years old, in another land. I loved to play "drowning sailors" in the bath, with my clothes on. My mother humoured me, probably thinking that I would grow out of it; and I did (that particular way of doing things), but the liking for the sensations stuck. I got the feeling that adults were not too happy about it, however, so it was submerged into the less noticeable regions of my mind.

At about age six I had another experience which I never forgot - I pooed my pants on the mile or so journey walking to school one day. I had set out with no indication that I needed to empty my bowels, but half way there the urge got so strong that I knew I wouldn't make it; and there were no places I knew of where I could relieve myself safely. Eventually my anus tired of holding it in, and I had the delightful sensation of warm slush filling my pants. That was another memory that stuck firmly in my mind... I didn't feel guilty about it, as I knew I couldn't have avoided it; I did get told what a naughty boy I was, but suffered the indignities in silence, and didn't (as far as I know) take it too much to heart.

About the same age I discovered that playing with my sex organs created another pleasing sensation. I guess nearly all young humans find this out in some way or other, and its just part of being in and exploring one's own body, so nothing to really get up tight about unless it becomes excessive (in my opinion).

When I started to adolesce at age about 13 or 14, all this stuff of my younger days started to activate again in earnest. For instance, when I got the chance (which was not very often) I would take an old pair of shorts to an area of shrubbery by a river or lagoon and wet them with water from a discarded beer bottle, I remember. When I left the area, the pants were hung on the bushes to dry for next time. I involved another boy on only two occasions; my mother discovered us doing it on one of these, and left me in no doubt whatsoever that I was not to do that, although I did not get beaten or anything - my parents very seldom were physically violent towards me. It was enough to hear her say, "STOP THAT!!!!" - and I got the message: be much more careful! Nary a thought of stopping, of course!

A year or so later my father bought a farm; and there I had much greater freedom to explore these habits, as there was a river at the bottom of our property about half a mile from the house, and as it was hot weather in the summer and water was scarce, I was allowed to go down to the river to bathe and amuse myself in the afternoon after school. I used to know every part of the river bed for half a mile upstream and downstream. There I had the occasional mud-bath (yummm!) and many a swim and wetting of pants. Even tried vomiting over myself once - interesting, but stoopid: too difficult to get clean afterwards. Amazing, isn't it, what young things will get up to!

By the time I went to University and on the side was reading about yoga and trying to be spiritual, I found out that masturbation etc. was really "not good for one" - but the habits of wetting and arousing myself were too deeply entrenched for me to be able to stop. Every so often the people with whom I boarded would find out something (they never told me exactly what) and I would be asked to move on; so these habits caused me quite a bit of inconvenience.

Eventually, after becoming a schooltecher and serving my initial years in that profession, I turned to science and became a government research technician, as I found teaching an absolute nightmare - I was never able to discipline the (difficult) classes I was given, due to being the junior teacher. Perhaps that was a mirror for my not being able to discipline myself; although in other activities of life I have managed fairly well. I was told that it was karma from a previous life. At this time also, I became interested in the teachings of the Ascended Masters, and joined two of their organisations. The "power" that I came under forced up and intensified my "weaknesses" and just made it more difficult to control; although we were given techniques by which one was supposed to be able to transmute these things, but despite my applications in this regard, it did not rid me of these addictions.

I married my Beloved when I was 35; we enjoyed each other intimately for about 3 months until she got pregnant, then after the pregnancy she was too sick to have sex. I firmly believed that sexuality was something that both had to agree upon, so I readily agreed; a few years later she announced that she wanted no more sex, and that I was not to have it either, or she would divorce me. Seeing that I had had lives as a priest before, I felt it was up to me to abstain from then on, and that I could do it. Meanwhile, every so often I would get an opportunity to have a wet clothes session without her knowing (I hoped), and did so. But she was a sensitive... goodness knows how much she was aware of but didn't let on...

To cut a long story a bit shorter, after 34 years of marriage my Sweetie had a stroke then eventually died of cancer, and I became free, with the selling up of our house, to both have a life of my own, and to join an Ascension School that I had come to know about through the internet. That again put me under an obligation to try to control any activities which could be construed as "not spiritual"; I threw myself whole-heartedly into doing my best in this regard; but underneath, the desire for wetting myself was still present. At the School, we were taught techniques for releasing karma and for detecting by pendulum 'what was our truth' in this regard; as it was recognised that if you weren't clairvoyant you would need some technique or other to navigate your way through all the traps, pitfalls and 'karmic pickles' that you would come across. I applied myself earnestly to trying to work out where this addiction of mine originated. As far as I could determine, it was an Annunaki slave inheritance thing; and I gained the impression that it could not be resolved until I had evolved to a much higher level, at which the original problem had been laid in. All of which has turned out (according to the latest information from the Desteni-Universe way of looking at it) to be bunkum - as all that is simply manouvres and excuses of the mind-systems that humans are under, to try to keep us enslaved to the social and other programing we are all inculcated with from birth. The explanation of this enslavement scenario is dealt with fully on the Desteni website, (see sidebar link), and it is quite a story, so I won't explain it here. The principles of dealing with it are fairly simple, however:

(1) By being brutally self-honest, to see the machinations and tricks the thoughts, feelings and emotions put across us, and to learn to release these by earnestly applying -
(2) Self-forgiveness of each and every thought, feeling, emotional reaction one observes taking place in one,
(3) Applying then self-correction to not allow these mental programs to act, but to do instead according to the principles of the Oneness and Equality of all,
(4) Helped in this to focus, by practicing the four-fold breathing technique which assists one to be Present, Here, in the Present Moment, in the fullest possible awareness.

If you feel that you are interested to find out more about this "process" - which any and all can join in if you wish to, but which is your own responsibility to pursue - then the place to go is to the Desteni website.

In the last few years - since I completed with the Ascension School as far as I could - I found out by a "chance" email advertisement that there were others in the world who had an interest in wetting and pooing themselves... I was apparently not alone in this as I had previously thought - surely no-one else does this! But yes; it turned out that there were many websites devoted to doing it (and more). I was so amazed, I did some explorations to see the strange things some humans do with themselves... much was not to my liking, but some of it was indeed quite fascinating. There's something about seeing and hearing a woman flooding her pants that is absolutely mesmerising...

Lately I have used warm water instead of urinating or pooing - otherwise it is too unhygienic and requires far too much resources to get clothes properly clean; but the sensations are more or less the same. The very warm temperatures where I'm living now make it quite comfortable to stay wet all day if I felt like it.

I had quite a collection of photos and movies - which the authorities seemed to classify as "adult" rather than "pornography"... and every so often I would try to get out of the grip of this and would delete them... but like trying to stop wetting myself, I would always find myself impelled to come back to them. Of course, it is this compulsion which tells one in common sense that one is being enslaved by it, and that this is dishonouring self and others, and should not go on. Even if - as I did many times - one asks within and by pendulum if there is some good reason to be doing this, and gets a "yes, its okay for you"... I always felt that was untrustworthy, and yet... and yet, what if there was some obscure karmic reason for my being involved... and having to do this?

But really - I know now that everything we do affects everyone else, through the human collective unconscious; so nothing you do can be said to be not affecting anyone else. Every action, every thought along these lines is feeding the world thought-form about such things, and keeping it supplied with life. Think of the people this is helping to keep enslaved! "Till here, no further - this must stop!"

So - now that I have outlined my 'fetish' problem, the crucial question is - what can I do about it?

Well, following the pattern given above, here are the self-forgiveness statements that occur to me; perhaps you can think of others, and post them in a comment:

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel guilty concerning my addiction to wetting my pants.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to dishonour my body by participating in the activities of wetting and befouling it which do not serve it.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to dishonour the Element of Water by using it for wetting my pants - an activity which does not serve the Whole.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hold and savour pictures of me wetting my pants or in wet clothes. I delete these memories and pictures!
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hold and savour pictures of others wetting themselves. I delete these memories and pictures!
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feed the Unified Consciousness Field with ideas and pictures of sexual misbehaviour concerning people wetting their pants.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that karma would prevent me from taking appropriate action to stop this addiction.

These activities do not reflect Who I Really Am; I do not allow them any longer in my world!
From now on, I AM HERE, and I express Who I Truly Am!